Pornography is a secret issue, it isn't talked about much, but a lot of people spend a lot of time and money on it. In fact, in the time that it took you to read the first sentence, over $3000 was spent on pornography and over 28,000 people were viewing pornography. (1) You'd think that something so popular would be talked about more openly. Why is pornography so secretive?
How about in the Church? Is it a problem, is it secretive? 37% of pastors say they currently struggle with pornography, over half of all evangelical pastors say they've looked at it in the last year (2) and 50% of men in the congregation struggle with pornography. (3) Men find it hard to share their struggle with church pastors and leaders, and pastors in a nationwide survey said that only 7% of churches have a ministry to deal with sex addiction. (4) Why is it so hard to talk about pornography and get help in church?
I believe the answer is shame. What is shame? The best way I've found to explain shame is to contrast it with guilt. Guilt is about what you do, I.e. you stole, speed in your car or said something hurtful to another person. Shame is about who you are, I.e. you're a thief, criminal and an abuser. Shame gathers evidence "guilt" to prove that you are broken, damaged and worthless.
If a guy looks at porn he may be guilty of adultery, lust or cheating (depending on your personal beliefs*). Most guys* look at porn and not only feel guilty but they also feel dirty, gross, ashamed and helpless. Shame communicates the need to hide your brokenness from others.
Look at Genesis 3:10 "He (Adam) answered, 'I heard you (God) in the garden, and I was afraid because I was naked; so I hid." Adam and Eve where created naked and God said it was good, after the fall something changed. For Adam, it was no longer good to be naked, it was a fearful thing to be naked. Adam felt the need to hide his brokenness, if his brokenness were to be exposed it would be tragic. Adam experienced the first case of shame and mankind has followed suit ever since, we hide.
In my next post I'll identify why the shame around pornography is a major factor in developing a sex addiction.
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About Me: I'm a Christian counselor in Vancouver, WA. I specialize in treating male teens and men's counseling. Please contact me with any questions about my blog, counseling or to set up an appointment.
All information and opinions shared on this blog are for educational purposes only. Please contact me or another mental health care provider for diagnosis and treatment.
Vancouver, WA | Men's Therapy and Counseling
References
(1) http://www.familysafe.com/pornography-statistics/
(2) Christianity Today, Leadership Survey, 12/2001
(4) http://www.christianitytoday.com/news/2016/january/how-pastors-struggle-porn-phenomenon-josh-mcdowell-barna.html